Updates and Thoughts
It has been awhile since I shared with you. My son, Joseph is doing well. We had a few moments where Joseph decided to stop his meds, but what was interesting these last two times was that Joseph knew it wasn't a good idea and tried to readjust things on his own. As most of us know, that can be very dangerous. He had to be hospitalized to come back to balance and during that stay he realized it was not a good idea to play around with such things! He took the full dose of Clozaril after being off of it for a week or so and his heart rate and breathing became erratic. Scared the living daylights out of me! Thank God, he just happened to be at his doctor appointment when it all happened. The angels are always with us! Thank you, Sweet Ones!
As a result of this incident, Joseph is talking more about what is going on inside of him and bless his heart he has such a humorous spirit. He makes us all laugh...even the hospital crew adores him! They are all rooting for him and we seem to be at a good place 5 years later into this "illness." My goodness, 5 years! There was a time with all of this that days seemed like years!He has so much more clarity about the voices and asked me once, "Mom, do you hear voices to?" Ahhhhh he knows his mother is intuitive and is blessed with that God given gift to feel energies and such. For my son, before this illness struck he too, had such a gift. He still does, but now we are working on balancing and deciphering what is truth and what is chemical imbalance. He is starting to delve into and trying to understand what is happening. His voices he revealed to us do not tell him to hurt poeple or himself. Another misconception and stigma based belief! He told me and his social worker that he senses things about others and he sometimes thinks someone outside of himself is in toruble. Now this in and of itself doesnt sound too bad...but it can disrupt his work, his life, and sometimes pulls him so deep into it and he cannot focus. So he now knows as of today meds are needed. But alas as his Holistic Spiritual mother, we keep nurturing mind, body , and Spirit and as our goal was from the beginning of all of this is... taper off meds and continue to delve into the core of this "illness" and heal! Joseph at one point was on 6 different meds...horrible horrible meds! :( But now, we are on just one! The one that seems to be working for us right now. Here is where we could shorten this journey for others with "mental illness," let's form that supportive healing team right from the beginning, let's open healing facilities to care for them where we can diagnose thoroughly and find the right healing regime! I will not give up until the day I die and beyond on making that happen! We know how this effects every member of the family...and the Mother's heart is always on the mend! My efforts, prayers, and energies will never cease to be with all those experiencing the pain, the loss, the love, the joys, the sadness, the lessons, and the hope associated with this experience.
A Mother's Journey: Conquering Situational DepressionAs someone who has experienced situational depression back in 1998, and healed it with the Grace of God and her angels, I understand a mother's pain during this illness. I believe I went through my time of deep introspection before my son got ill, so I could deal with it 4 years later and I could help others. Otherwise, I would not be here typing this heart/soul letter to you.
My beautiful Bella was born December 16, 1998. One of the happiest moments of my life! No greater gift is given than a child. I had been questioning so much in my life before I became surpisingly pregnant and wanted answers to everything...the soul gifts dancing inside of me and revealing themselves more than ever, my marriage, how different I felt from everyone, my purpose in this life...just everything! And I reached and reached for answers, praying as I always did and couldnt hear the answers. I needed God to get out the blow horn and yell them right into my ear, but alas it didnt happen that way.
The one thing that was constant was my faith...always had that inherant gift, but being on the bottom of the pit with only toothpicks to climb my way out with...the faith was certainly tested. I continued to pray and found myself more in meditation than ever! It was easy for me to go deep into my soul...but I used to hide there instead of heal. I began to choose to heal for my children, for me! This depression literally brought me to my knees and I said, "Dear God I am not getting up until this is revealed to me!"
Constant communication with God was key...it got me through it all. No formal prayers, no special trips...just in the quiet of my heart and soul...I spoke! Do not stop speaking...during dishwashing, mowing the lawn, fixing breakfast, changing diapers, brushing your teeth...all of it! Your soul begins to awaken and the magic and miracle starts to happen!! It began to happen for I made the choice to heal and all I needed came to me...the right therapist, the right food, the right exercise regime, the right vitamins, the right angel!* But I had to force myself to be in it... to be in the experience of healing! I cried more times than I can count...and soon the tears turned to peace. I began to feel snippets of peace...and I wanted more!!!! No sugar coating though...it was an ongoing struggle and challenge, but I never gave up! I am grateful to this day for that experience was my enlightenment, my rebirth, my beginning to what is now my complete journey on this earth.
So when my son got ill and the pain creeped in again, the sorrow, the loss, the eternal tears, the heart wrenching pain... I had my spiritual tool bag filled to conquer and deal! Sleepless nights, confusion, anger, sadness, physical, emotional, and mental anguish were not going to infiltrate me again. But I did feel it all...God help me, I did!
I would not, could not, and would not give up on my child...which I now know today as meaning, love them as we do, support them, and know when to let go in a healthy way. There is so much going on inside of you during the crisis of your child's pain. For months and months I sat at this computer finding the right place, the right doctor, the right anything to help and so many disappointments at every turn, but also some beautiful revelations and healing places, but with a large cost! The road blocks seemed endless, but again nothing kept us from forging ahead. Despite the broken system, low finances, periodic noncompliance of our son, and feeling completely alone, we are now in a good place today....a day by day blessing.
I never chose to go on meds during the earlier experience of my situational depression and during my son's illness. But I do know when meds are needed...they are needed...but I wanted to share my experience to let you know there is hope, there is faith, there is healing from many different places, but most importantly it is your Spirit, your Angels, and the God you love, that will ultimately bring you out of that pit and home again!*
If you would like to share your stories, please send me an email at angelicstrands@aol.com
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