A MOTHER'S QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER 10th EDITION

Good Winter's Day!!

Hope this New Year of 2012 finds you well and deep in blessings! My dear Joseph has been home for months now and doing well. He is still living at his current home, Interlude, and in the middle of finding a job. For now, we are still going one moment at a time, but isnt that how we all should live? :) I recently spent time with Joe on his 26th birthday on 1/11/12 and we had a lovely day sharing coffee, lunch, and gift shopping! I am grateful for our moments of love and healing...for I believe in putting that intention for each and every one of them! I started a page on facebook called ShareLoveNow...I try each day to get in the consciousness of sharing Love and any and all happy feelings with the Universe...with everyone, everything, every creature, every cell of the Universe, the All!! If you are eating your favorite meal and you feel the joy, stop for second and share it with the All. It can be that simple!! If you look at your child and you well up with Love inside, share the Love!!!! Reprogram your mind to do this each day...watch the miracles and balance occur within your own life and the Universe!!
For this moment as you read my blog, let's all take a moment and surround and fill all those challenged with a mental illness and their families and share love with them from your heart and soul! It truly makes a difference...love carries energy, everything does...and I believe it is the most powerful healing tool...so let's our hold hands over our hearts and send! <3

A MOTHER'S GRACE QUARTERLY BLOG 9th edition

Well here we are some months later after a long stay at the state hospital and although my Joe has been doing okay, the voices still plague him! The meds will only go so far...we are in need of something else. I still firmly believe in diet, vits, and other natural remedies, and all that beautiful healing way, but unless someone can be on call for Joe 24/7 to help him deal with the voices in whatever means...it will end up staying the same as it is now...in and out of hospitals adjusting meds! In Joe's case and in most cases , this healing model doesn't work! I have researched and found a group called hearingvoices.org and I will contact them and maybe find a way to start a support group in Joe's area. I have also done some reading on Carl Jung...it all sounds good on the internet , but where are the people schooled in this? Has no one come up with some behavioral therapy for hearing voices? I will keep searching and talking and praying! For right now, my Joe took control in some way this past week and when the voices were so strong, he told his case manager he should go in the hospital because he didnt feel safe. That has never happened before and albeit scary, he took control...unfortunately the only answer was back in the hospital. But we pray.....

A MOTHER"S GRACE QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER 8th Edition

Hello Sweet Souls,

Gosh it seems like forever since I have updated, but it is most certainly time! My Joseph is in the hospital yet again and has been for a few months. They are now probating him to the state hospital here in CT because the high dose of Clozaril isnt working as they had hoped! I heard the news and my heart didn't quite know what to do, but I think it always stops just a little every time there is a new development. I know as his mother and spiritual being that he needs to do what is best for himself, take his meds, eat right, find all the healing tools necessary to heal, and use them! I just pray we get to the core of what is inside my boy so we can help him heal it, but even with a thought disorder, my Joe has choices. I just wish there was a more healing place to go to than the state hospital. But that will be my wish and goal forever in my lifetime! So once again I must in some way and on some level let it be and let go in a healthy way. I love you Joseph and I ask all of you reading this to send Love and Light to my boy as I do every second of my life!

I want to share a beautiful poem my Bella who is now 12 wrote about her brother.




Reality and Fantasy


Your mind
is locked in a continuous battle between reality and fantasy.
It twists images into something abnormal.
Sees things only you can see.
Reality and Fantasy are bound together by a rigid rope.
You are struggling to cut through it and break free.
You have conversations with invisible people.
Are they real?
You think so.
Doctors boost up your medication...
350 milligrams
450 milligrams
650 milligrams
Will they ever stop?
Your heart
is kind
loving
and warm.
It can brighten up a room.
Your smile shines---
is big
and makes me laugh.
I love it when you smile.
You are my brother
and I love you,
that is reality.

Your sister,
Bella

A MOTHER'S GRACE QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER 7th EDITION

Happy Fall Everyone!


So today, November 14th, we are in this moment okay. I am always grateful for each day we wake in that energy! Joe is back at Interlude and hanging in there. We visit each week and spend the day together in healing and fun! Keep the prayers coming!



I also wanted to let you all know about my new radio show ~Wingin It~on www.sjrn.net radio. Tomorrow, Nov 15th, I will be talking about "mental illness", my story, and chatting about what still needs to be done to help those struggling with it all and their families. Feel free to join me and call in to chat! You can also go in the chat room and ask me questions or comment if you prefer it more anonymous. I would love to hear from you! The number and chat room link are at the website! I pray for you all each day and send happy loving healing Light! :)

A MOTHER"S GRACE QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER 6th Edition

Update on my Joseph



Well it has been a long road, but the last 6 months have taken it's toll. My Joe has been in and out of the hospital more times in the last year then with this whole illness of 5 1/2 years. And for some reason, I have felt it deeper and more cutting in me than ever! I have cried more hours than I can count. I suppose you go through a mourning period and I just held my little boy in my heart and soul, remembering him before this illness manifested. I love my son no matter what and as he is, but I just kept thinking of my little one when nothing was weighing on his mind, but which toy to play with and what TV show to watch!
He just doesn't want to be on meds, but he isn't okay without them! As I type this, he is still in the hospital. The Clozaril isn't working like it did before and he hates taking it. He is at the point where he says he will take them, but comes out and stops them. He takes off all night long and comes back in very bad shape. Again, this brings me to what I will always believe until the day I die...we need more healing places where we can not only try meds, but test for everything and utilize holistic and spiritual therapies!
I pray people like Glenn Close, Joe Pantoliono, and others with fame help us fight for it all! Glenn has started an organization www.bringchange2mind.org and Joe www.nkm2.org ; I will link them here on my blog! I wont give up, ever!! So I am asking for prayers and love to be sent our way...I have Joe on every healing list I know! I continue to pray for what is best for my son's sweet soul!!!

A MOTHER'S GRACE QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER 5th Edition March 2010

Update on Joseph:

My Joseph has in the last 6 months, taken off to NYC without letting us know and been hospitalized. He eventually called and returned home to us both times, but the last trip in the dead of winter was very difficult for us all. The stress and worry was too much for us to bear, so we got together in the hospital to talk about the next step in Joseph's healing with Jospeh included of course for this is his life. :)
Believe it or not, Joe's meds were reduced to just one, Clozaril. He was also on Geodon, but the doctors felt it wasn't needed. Also with the help of his case manager and social worker, it was decided that Joe would move into transitional living in Danbury, a place called Interlude...once again we have been blessed with amazing people that were now added to our team of healing! Joe explained to us that when the voices come he has to listen to them, and in this case it was going off to do what he needed to do. Not to harm anyone, but he couldn't resist the voices! He also felt very restricted living at home with his Dad. So we thought it was time to try living on his own but with supervision and people to help teach him life skills. It is a one day at a time process as you all know. He already missed his meds on Sunday night and it has only been a week so far. But we are all acclimating to this next leg of the journey and we move along and keep forging ahead. God bless you Joseph! WE are all pulling for you!!!

A Mother's Grace Quarterly Newsletter 4th Edition September 2009

Updates and Thoughts

It has been awhile since I shared with you. My son, Joseph is doing well. We had a few moments where Joseph decided to stop his meds, but what was interesting these last two times was that Joseph knew it wasn't a good idea and tried to readjust things on his own. As most of us know, that can be very dangerous. He had to be hospitalized to come back to balance and during that stay he realized it was not a good idea to play around with such things! He took the full dose of Clozaril after being off of it for a week or so and his heart rate and breathing became erratic. Scared the living daylights out of me! Thank God, he just happened to be at his doctor appointment when it all happened. The angels are always with us! Thank you, Sweet Ones!

As a result of this incident, Joseph is talking more about what is going on inside of him and bless his heart he has such a humorous spirit. He makes us all laugh...even the hospital crew adores him! They are all rooting for him and we seem to be at a good place 5 years later into this "illness." My goodness, 5 years! There was a time with all of this that days seemed like years!
He has so much more clarity about the voices and asked me once, "Mom, do you hear voices to?" Ahhhhh he knows his mother is intuitive and is blessed with that God given gift to feel energies and such. For my son, before this illness struck he too, had such a gift. He still does, but now we are working on balancing and deciphering what is truth and what is chemical imbalance. He is starting to delve into and trying to understand what is happening. His voices he revealed to us do not tell him to hurt poeple or himself. Another misconception and stigma based belief! He told me and his social worker that he senses things about others and he sometimes thinks someone outside of himself is in toruble. Now this in and of itself doesnt sound too bad...but it can disrupt his work, his life, and sometimes pulls him so deep into it and he cannot focus. So he now knows as of today meds are needed. But alas as his Holistic Spiritual mother, we keep nurturing mind, body , and Spirit and as our goal was from the beginning of all of this is... taper off meds and continue to delve into the core of this "illness" and heal! Joseph at one point was on 6 different meds...horrible horrible meds! :( But now, we are on just one! The one that seems to be working for us right now. Here is where we could shorten this journey for others with "mental illness," let's form that supportive healing team right from the beginning, let's open healing facilities to care for them where we can diagnose thoroughly and find the right healing regime! I will not give up until the day I die and beyond on making that happen! We know how this effects every member of the family...and the Mother's heart is always on the mend! My efforts, prayers, and energies will never cease to be with all those experiencing the pain, the loss, the love, the joys, the sadness, the lessons, and the hope associated with this experience.

A Mother's Journey: Conquering Situational Depression





As someone who has experienced situational depression back in 1998, and healed it with the Grace of God and her angels, I understand a mother's pain during this illness. I believe I went through my time of deep introspection before my son got ill, so I could deal with it 4 years later and I could help others. Otherwise, I would not be here typing this heart/soul letter to you.


My beautiful Bella was born December 16, 1998. One of the happiest moments of my life! No greater gift is given than a child. I had been questioning so much in my life before I became surpisingly pregnant and wanted answers to everything...the soul gifts dancing inside of me and revealing themselves more than ever, my marriage, how different I felt from everyone, my purpose in this life...just everything! And I reached and reached for answers, praying as I always did and couldnt hear the answers. I needed God to get out the blow horn and yell them right into my ear, but alas it didnt happen that way.
The one thing that was constant was my faith...always had that inherant gift, but being on the bottom of the pit with only toothpicks to climb my way out with...the faith was certainly tested. I continued to pray and found myself more in meditation than ever! It was easy for me to go deep into my soul...but I used to hide there instead of heal. I began to choose to heal for my children, for me! This depression literally brought me to my knees and I said, "Dear God I am not getting up until this is revealed to me!"
Constant communication with God was key...it got me through it all. No formal prayers, no special trips...just in the quiet of my heart and soul...I spoke! Do not stop speaking...during dishwashing, mowing the lawn, fixing breakfast, changing diapers, brushing your teeth...all of it! Your soul begins to awaken and the magic and miracle starts to happen!! It began to happen for I made the choice to heal and all I needed came to me...the right therapist, the right food, the right exercise regime, the right vitamins, the right angel!* But I had to force myself to be in it... to be in the experience of healing! I cried more times than I can count...and soon the tears turned to peace. I began to feel snippets of peace...and I wanted more!!!! No sugar coating though...it was an ongoing struggle and challenge, but I never gave up! I am grateful to this day for that experience was my enlightenment, my rebirth, my beginning to what is now my complete journey on this earth.


So when my son got ill and the pain creeped in again, the sorrow, the loss, the eternal tears, the heart wrenching pain... I had my spiritual tool bag filled to conquer and deal! Sleepless nights, confusion, anger, sadness, physical, emotional, and mental anguish were not going to infiltrate me again. But I did feel it all...God help me, I did!
I would not, could not, and would not give up on my child...which I now know today as meaning, love them as we do, support them, and know when to let go in a healthy way. There is so much going on inside of you during the crisis of your child's pain. For months and months I sat at this computer finding the right place, the right doctor, the right anything to help and so many disappointments at every turn, but also some beautiful revelations and healing places, but with a large cost! The road blocks seemed endless, but again nothing kept us from forging ahead. Despite the broken system, low finances, periodic noncompliance of our son, and feeling completely alone, we are now in a good place today....a day by day blessing.
I never chose to go on meds during the earlier experience of my situational depression and during my son's illness. But I do know when meds are needed...they are needed...but I wanted to share my experience to let you know there is hope, there is faith, there is healing from many different places, but most importantly it is your Spirit, your Angels, and the God you love, that will ultimately bring you out of that pit and home again!*


If you would like to share your stories, please send me an email at angelicstrands@aol.com